Several years ago I came across the book, “Fatherless America” by D. Blankenhorn. It brought me to sadness on so many levels.
First, the children. What happens to them as they grow up without a father to guide and to provide?
Secondly, the society. How will the greater community be impacted by the phenomenon?
As a mental health practitioner, I do realise that there are various reasons why a father becomes absentee.
On the other hand, I observe that many of these domestic absenteeisms could be prevented if there were better preparation for family life.
It would also help to have a more thorough perspective before one enters into this tremendously challenging, yet truly the satisfying role called “parent.”
My studies inform me that when one or both parents separate from the child for an extended period of time and for whatever reason, the little ones feel abandoned and traumatised.
Yet, they are the very ones whose opinion is not considered before the adults make this life-changing decision of leaving.
I think one reason they are not considered is that they do not have enough financial contribution to this enterprise called family life! You see in a materialistic society, decisions are often about money, right?
The social implications of growing up in fatherless homes are tremendous. And I am not here to politicised the matter. This post is an invitation for the noble-minded to reflect.
Perhaps we can be of help in some ways.
Last Sunday I spoke at a local church in Singapore on the Blessedness of Manhood.
I am telling you, not a few men approached me saying that what I said is a wake-up call for them to stop looking at fathering casually.
Many were holding their tears while declaring gratefulness for reminding them.
My challenge to the listeners is to adhere to the call to love children unconditionally.
And fathers cannot do this if they are not around. Please, please, stop this nonsense about online parenting.
Our call is not to change our children!
When we think we are here to change them, then we notice often what is wrong with them and our energy is focused on that.
Children who come from this kind of origin eventually are shamed.
Thus, they want to do more or to be someone else so that their parents are pleased and affirm them.
Many fathers in my circle of friends and acquaintances are quite abundant in lecturing their children to be this or to do that. But few are giving an example of virtue.
No wonder, many children grow up resenting their parents and quietly accuse them as hypocritical.
Fathers need to truly demonstrate love the way we are instructed to love, meaning to extend acceptance, to offer forgiveness, and to demonstrate forbearance.
By the way, the most effective tool to influence our children is our consistent example.
It takes time and if we are drawn to the tyranny of the urgent because our schedules are full every hour, we may think this is not worth an investment.
Let us not be trapped by the dictates of society and culture which bombard us with messages to succeed at all cost.
Let’s redefine success to mean having trained and instructed our children in the ways of the Lord so that when they leave home they can face all kinds of challenges.
Lastly, dear fathers, let me share this thought: there are no bad children; there’s only bad parenting.
Shalom, everyone.
Let your Father’s Day celebration include a big hug to your precious children.
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